Poetry: Poems by William “Easy” Smith

Lock and load
Click ! Click ! Click !
A sound in my memory
That still makes me
Sick ! Sick ! Sick !
A cracklin' in the trees
And a sudden flash !
Charlie's on the move
And he's one fast ass!
A flicker--
His movements so swift
The point man was quick
everybody ! hush!

That quick lil' sucker
Is out in the bush
Gotta get a fix
On just where I am
I'm back in the world
That was Viet Nam

A sudden fear
A sudden pain
Still haunt me
Manifesting, when planes fly over me
That I can't see
A car backfires
And I hit the ground
Reminder of an incoming round

A flicker!!!
A flashing in the night

Ain't no point man?
"Hush, hush...everybody! goodnight....."

Untitled

Inner reflections
Of times come and gone
The memories
Hellos and no goodbyes
Comrades left behind
They won't see the home front
Families are crying
For those who fought by my side
The guilt and shame
Of being alive" where's all the fame!!!
For the families
And what about the lies
I look in the mirror
With hate in my eyes
The stuff
The stuff
Buried deep inside
Reaches out
In desperation
To see
A new sunrise

Rembr

I never had a chance
to say goodbye
To the faces and places
That fill my eyes
I'll never forget
those buddies I had
Who fought by my side
with dignity
And unheard of pride

Some have left this earth
and some are still alive
guys like me
struggling, just to survive

So, comrades
Where ever you walk
above or on land
You are "Remembered"
You are "Unforgotten"
And so it is with Nam!!!

Marva: Born or Unborn

FOR MY DAUGHTER

nestled in the womb
of her mother's belly
(could've been a boy)
asleep, patiently waiting
for the first hard
twist of the wrist
that verifies life

staring there through closed
eyes of infanthood
into questionable heaven and hell
feeling with her
puckered lips on her mother's breast
tugging at her
father's beard, as it tickles
brings the expression of
what is later her first
laugh, her first joy

crawling around on her knees
and holding onto the
chair, that gives support
for that very first step
Smiling, muttering her first words
was it mama or was it papa?

Unsheltered, un chained, free
to explore, that is
within the limits of poverty
and other frustrating hells
that one day may come to and end

wondering with all that has
been comprehended
in such a short time
wandering and seeing
so much from her two eyes

returning, confused, baffled
constantly questioning
after experiencing more pain than
...joys, as to whether it
would have been better
to have been
born or unborn?

© by William R. I. "Easy" Smith

Change

Yesterday, to the tune of the rainy season
I didn't want to live
Couldn't find one reason

Today, I recall saying
"What the f..........?"
Afterall, life really sucks!"

Yesterday, emotion was just another word
To share my feelings, was simply absurd

Yesterday, my heart raced to the thundering rain
Today, I walk through memory's pain

Yesterday, for me was another country
Today, I face fears, that always haunt me

Yesterday, my life was filled with shame
Today, it's goodbye to comrades
Some not by name

Yesterday, is triggered by terrifying sounds
That stir up visions
Of far off battlegrounds

Today, memories are awakened
Of smoke-filled skies
As I stare at the faces
Of those who died

Yesterday, my life seemed near an end
Today, I've seen the places I've been
And the things I've done

Today, to live is to have some fun
To survive, without a gun

Yesterday, I saw visoins of loud bangs
And at the blink of an eye
My heart skipped a beat
Life nearly passed me by

Today, the visions of family and friends
Give life new meaning
For rebuilding begins

I got in touch, with a pain buried so deep
I wanted to run
But, I stayed and weeped

Something new for me
These new found tears
Something new for me
These awakened fears

Yeaterday, going to war
Never crossed my mind
Death is all
I expected to find

Today, I stand
On familiar soil
Replanting seeds
Of a life once soiled

Today, new comrades
Are at my side
Together! Together!
Restoring self pride!

Yesterday
War was no game
As from everywhere
We came

And when we returned
You forgot our names
No one cared
We were not the same?

Today, our prayers
Are prayers of hope
Today, our prayers
Are prayers for change

Today, is now!
Today, we're home
Today, together!
Today, not alone!!

© by William R. I. "Easy" Smith

1967

Strangers to one another
Soon enough, we'd be brothers
Each with a story to tell
Each a story of hell

Many years ago
Our country called
We responded, not one, but all
We arrived at a place
From near, from far
By bus, by plane
By train, by car

Many signed up....
Because it was war!
Many were drafted
Not knowing what for

Some fled to Canada
Risking their freedom
Wishing and hoping
No one would seem 'em
As protestesters marched
"NO MORE!"
"NO MORE!"

It didn't keep Uncle
From our door!

We'd come from
Every state and race
Some joined
To escape a criminal case
While some so determined
ID's were faked

While some asked, "Why me?"
Must be some mistake
But, there we were
From every hood
Ready for battle
Together...we stood!

They put us on buses
To North Carolina
Each wearing a mask
"COULDN'T BE FINER!"

Eight weeks of boot camp
Eight weeks AIT
Hard to believe
We were in the Arrmy

We marched and drilled
Learning new skills
Each lesson essential
Just maybe
We wouldn't get killed

They gave us a number
Some bitched and moaned
But. we learned to remember
For that's how we were known!!!!

Uniforms and guns
We were given
Final tips for survival
And one final prayer..
"COME BACK WITH THE LIVING"

No longer was war
Just seen on T. V.
We were in Nam
That was reality!!!

Searchin' - Destroyin'
Along the Cambodian border
In a country
They say needed "law and order?"

We fought an enemy
Barely visible
Under condiions
Truly miserable

From ambush to ambush
And village to village
And craters of mud
The trail never ended
The blood!! The blood!!

If we knew what was happening
Back in the states
We may have stayed behind
And left our lives to fate

Instead we were there
Diseased and fatiqued
Broke down from fears
Doing a battle
That still today...is not clear

We returned to roam
In a land known as home
Awainting to be accepted
And remembered

Awainting to be called by name
Not by number
Awaiting to be recognized
As we were recognized
The day we joined
The day we were selected

Is that asking too much.....?????
We want to be respected!
Never again to be rejected!

© by William R. I. "Easy" Smith

The Last Time I Said Goodbye

I drift into the pain
All the time
You interrupted my life!
I was doing just fine

Now vivid memories
Haunt me day and night
And intrusive thoughts
Of what it was like

Just a youngster I was!
Snatched for your cause
You couldn't tell me face to face
You did it by letter
What a disgrace!

I glanced at my mother
With much despair
She looked at me
How do they dare?

To my brothers and sisters
The draft was a crime
"He's too young,
Come back for him another time!"

My wife gave me such a stare
" What's wrong with this country?
"It just isn't fair!"
"He's barely a man, can't you see?"

I explained to my daughter
As best I could
I was going away??
She never understood

The pain, it heightened
I was scared and frightened
To ease the fears
I stuffed the tears

I'd sit up all night
"Why me?
" Did I have to fight?"

Lost and confused,
Adrift in my thinking
Afraid for my life
I found relief in drinking

I still see
Those bottles of rum and coke
See back in those days
I didn't use dope

One last look at where I slept
One last drink
To "Ooh Child"
By the Five Stairsteps

Morning came
Soon enough
I packed some clothes
And "memory" stuff

One last farewell
And a hug from my dad
He too stuffed his tears
He too was sad

I still have visions
Of that day
When my life stopped
When you took me away.

© by William R. I. "Easy" Smith

Papa's Pride

IN MEMORY OF MY FATHER

Papa was a man of pride....
so proud a man,
refusing to cry
with a head thrown high
as he walked
and force in his words
as he talked

Wisdom filled
his learned words
some of the best
I've ever heard,

Like:
"Look out for yourself, son
I'll get by;"

The way he spoke:
"Hello!" and "Hi!"

Now Papa worked hard
all day,
A great law of nature
he would say;

"Do your best
and do not steal,
though sometimes a must,
to get a meal!"

"The doors of the world
are plenty," he'd tell,
"So prepare yourself,
cause out there is hell!"

"Stay out of war
and do not kill,
find yourself
a trade or a skill!"

Papa was a man of all seasons,
eight kids and a wife
good enough reasons.

Those dreams of his,
when we got older,
college
the works
public office holder.

Instead, I went my
separate way
with Papa's words
of childhood days

His words
I'll treasure 'til I die
"Look out for yourself son,
I'll get by!"

And be within
a man of pride
with my head thrown high
as I stride.

The Return

I fought in a battle years ago
In a land with names like Duc ho

A man named Charlie felled my friends
He wanted us out to no ends

I made it back to start a new life
But, the man who came back
Didn't sit with the wife

The man she knew who went to war
Was not who came home
When she opened the door

There were arguments and fights
Day and night
And to find some peace
I stayed out of sight

I was led to believe
My anger would pass
No question how long it would last

Now, I've left that scene
And it's many years later
I've started a new life

But, the problem still exists
Often times, much greater

I have nighmares and flashbacks
Of what it was like

Of the time I went to war
Of the time that changed my life

Doctors work on me from near and far
Prying my brain
And scratching the scars

For me to be willing
For me to be ready
To accept, to reach out for help
Is what what must be done

To live normal life normal
After living by the gun

So, they load me up with pills
For when I can't sleep

They load me up with pills
For when I weep

And then there's the pill
For when I'm angry

Even got a pill
When I feel I want to kill

A pill just for my PTSD
Pills so I can live with me

They even got a pill
For when I'm alone

But, no pills for my thoughts
For my buddy, who didn't come home!

The Pain

A cop hides his pain in day old beer
I hide my pain laughing at you
A masking of years
For which I had no clue

A fireman cries, "Help!"
"There's smoke! there's one more!"
I know this pain
Since returning from war

I cry out in the night,
"Help me please!"
I've said all along
I've got a disease

There was a time
When I had other dreams
A family, a wife and children
Were in the scheme of things

These dreams I once had
I was able to renew
The thought of the war is still very sad
As over the years the memories they grew

I'm like an animal at times
I've been loose
Fooling the world
Doing just fine

I quest for
Inner peace
From within I scream
For the pain to cease

Buddies tell war stories
I can't bear to hear
I get sad and confused
I fill up with fear

There's a period in time
I still taste
A period in time
That can't be erased

So, I do what I do
And not use or abuse
I've learned in time
I'm not here to amuse

I use to hide my pain
In alcohol and drugs
I want to remove the pain
From my facial mug

I talk to those who
Don't understand me
The doctors
They call it PTSD

They took me to a foreign land
Just a kid
Barely a man
Inner self is where I hid

My family cried out, "Why.....?"
"What for?"
The powers to be said, "He's needed!!"
"It's War!!!!'

I used to hide my past
Behind closed doors
It's a struggle
But I chip at the flaws

I didn't understand
Just one more to go
I knew of a thing called flight
I couldn't say no, so I went to fight

I've hid my pain
The choice was my own
I've lusted in the life
Til the money was gone

Or got lost in the bottle
Same story
Same song

My Lady and I would
Argue, fuss and fight
But, that's how I dealt
With the horrors and nightmarish fright

Now, I work on my problems
Learning to solve them
Coping with the pain
To be free and sane

I Never Thought

FOR MY DAUGHTER/FOR THE WOLFHOUNDS

.......many years ago

we were at war and i had to go
i still remember your smile your grin
you never questioned my destination

to young to realize
bur somehow you showed despair
it was present in your eyes
i think you knew from the silence
about you it was in there

barely walking and barely talking
you watched as i left for another world
never thought i'd see you again
marva my little girl

i did my best i did my job
and barely started i was purple hearted
cause charlie did his job too

never thought we'd reunite
the night gary shifflette fell in the canal
see we were ambushed and charlie
well charlie put up a good fight

and one day in september
how well i remember
i thought i'd never see you
because
charlie got me again
trying to rescue two men
in an ambush near tay ninh

this time with a start
but another purple heart
i felt the angels would take me
not back to the battle
not back to the world
not back to the hounds in cu chi
not back to my little girl

as i lay there waiting
for the copter to get there
and bullets and rockets filled the air

visions of you appeared
in the heavens above
and day seemed numbered
as i lay with thoughts of
those i loved

and comrades around me
taking the fall
how many i don't recall
in a bloody firefight
near tay ninh

i never thought i'd see you again
as comrades around me too lay in the field
me not knowing if any were killed
and the call for medic
was heard loud and clear
but dying was not what i feared

it was seeing you again
that filled my whole being
and though i was bleeding
never thought i'd see you again

and then it would hit me
would i return to cu chi
to fight with the hounds
warriors always and forever
or would i see them ever

men that found a place in my world
men i learned to love
men who became to mean
as much if not more
than at times the thoughts
of my little girl

these men of cu chi
who became family
never thought i be with them again

and my my little girl
in another world
never thought i'd see you again
but we've been reunited
and i've been with the hounds again

never thought
i'd see you again
that day back in a firefight
in tay ninh

Just a Reality

From within
this shell of mine
various worlds untwist
unwind

In my childhood dreams
I've seen tragedy
and frightening screams

I've seen the gloom
on Mama's face
Empty pockets
on Daddy's payday
all year long
same ol' case day

I've seen and worn
dirty shirts
along with dirty slacks
My sisters and brothers, too
just one of those things
in life
as I grew

Hunger pains
I've grown to know
many a day
same ol' sorrow

A bloody war
I've seen too
many died
red, yellow, white
and black ones too

Yet there are no
shouts of joy
For I who missed
being a boy
Turned into man
Full of schemes
awakened by
my own screams

My tears of sadness
may one day be
My tears of gladness
for just a dream

'Cause when I open
my eyes
All the visions
so recently seen
Are none other than
reality!

VIETNAM WARRIOR: ANOTHER DREAM/ANOTHER REALITY

Vietnam Warrior: Another Dream/Another Reality is written in honor of the men and women who went away one day as girls and boys and returned as Veterans. And it as a Salute to the men and women who gave their all and serves as just one more reminder that we must keep what these great sacrifices have all been for alive.

Welcome Home!
William R. "Easy" Smith
November 2000

Thought I was a cowboy
cap pistoling away

Liked to be the cop too
til I lost my toy gun one day

When I played the bad guy
being the gangster didn't pay
my parents didn't go for that
in my room I had to stay

Climbed up on my wooden horse
clinching it's mopped hair

Found out I was dreaming
to miss childhood isn't fair

I was told to get some schooling
comes in handy and that's no fooling

Played spin the bottle
and doctor and nurse
even played mom and dad
but wasn't allowed to curse

Found out I was dreaming
reality set in how sad

Watched all the Tarzan movies
but he didn't have a gun

Yet with all his courage
King of the jungle seemed like fun

Saw all the war movies
thought soldiering would be fine

I knew they would be calling me
it was just a matter of time

Started thinking about what my father said
stories of comrades he no longer saw

He told me of his journey
in another war

And those he would not see again
the reason they were dead

They died so that we may live
these warriors of the past

For freedom is what he said
For our freedom they bled

I thought I had the edge on things
As I heard about the war in Southeast Asia

New feelings entered my head
more thinking about the things my daddy said

Started remembering my childhood heroes
figured I'd do just fine

But soon I was in the war
and reality changed my mind

I mustered up some courage
and renewed my faith in God

Didn't know if it would help or not
as I realized no more were the games

I was in a place called Vietnam
with all faces and new names

Some were known by general
we had Sergeants and Privates too
Tunnel rats and radio men
just to name a few

Some units were called companies
broken down four squads made a platoon
We travelled with a medic
He took care of the wounds

I saw in this new life
as a renewed temporary stay on earth

Thought many times I'd get it
and never again see my place of birth

I had me a real gun
shooting bullets was no fun

Especially when being shot at
by an enemy always on the run

But there I was where I became a man
the day my life as a combat warrior
had only just begun

Under skies filled with the burning of human waste
and the stench of lifeless blood

We fought in rubber plantations
and rice paddies turned to mud

Where rockets landed in the rainy season
fighting not knowing the reason

I saw my buddies leave the wire
not everyone returned
Changed my belief in God

The bombs the fell without pity
as we fought in unknown cities

Sometimes in heavy battles
we suffered great loss

But we forged on
peace and freedom was our boss

Finally found a reason
renewed my faith in God

Travelled through mine filled roads
and slept in two man foxholes

Some days we missed a meal
part of the unwritten deal

Now and then we got to laugh
most times we were on alert
just one mistake easy to get hurt

Each man became a link
in a combat chain
fighting for freedom and democracy
so call us by our names

Though when the war was done
and we returned to where we'd begun

No welcome mat was laid
we had no warriors' parade

But we were not discouraged
at least not by all the things we saw

We had fought for our country
in a foreign war

We left the embraces of family charms
we set aside our dreams

We answered to our country's
To Arms To Arms To Arms

We did our job
and there's honor in that
renewed my faith in God

Call us what you like
say about us what you feel
remember where we've been
it's not fiction it was real

We are combat Veterans
who went away one day
to fight for our country
and you can't take that away!

Nightmare Running

So this is darkness
that has me..........
overcome by bitterness

A feeling not new to me
I'm forced into a race with time
that seems
unending

Even as the stairways
to the stars appear
in the distance
But the race.............
has already begun

I see a face
far off in the depths of the darkness
I give chase
I hear silent laughter
but, it's no fun

It's come and gone before
It's name is Charlie
We met in a war

This face just stares
This face just laughs
a silent laugh
And steady firing a gun

And all that is unwanted
is easily shaken
from me

The stillness
of the darkness swallows
That which once sparked me
into a running race with time

But, the face
now with legs and feet
gives chase at a quicker speed
this face of an enemy

I shout "Your're not friend!"
The face just laughs
again and again
that silent laugh
can't let it win

"BACK AWAY FROM ME!!"

( It's only a face)

"But, why are you still here,
after all these years
invading my sleep?"

The war is over,
much time has passed

"Why must you in my dreams,
I keep?

You've come and gone
without a clue
You hound me night
and in the day too
Your're only a face
that I still fight!"

You've caused me sweat
You've caused me grief
it's really beyond belief

And when you've had your
daily cheer
You fade into the darkness
you disappear

and..

Light shines upon my body
erasing the fatigue
from the long journey

And the entrance of new awakenings
cause a moment of inner rejoice
and the darkness
turns into light

and ..

It is known that
I have not seen
the hunter of the night
for the last time

Again there will be a try
to capture the game
I will waiting
I will be ready
for the face that stays the same

The face that
visits day and night
the face that likes to play
with my life
the face that has me runing
in a race with time

For now, I can only warn
again
again
again

STAY AWAY!!!!!!

It's OK, It's OK

Adrift into another time
it's a now and then thing with my kind

A face in the crowd
a smell in the air

Most anything can take us there
a movie often reminds

Of a loneliness
that sets in sometimes

And takes us
from the now

We're often asked
"It's been so long, how?"

The night was clear
a rarity any time of the year

Tonight it didn't even rain
the silence promoted inner pain

The wind was lifeless
the breeze stifled

A chance to relate
a chance to clean the plate

A rarity you hear
any time of the year

The residue of smoky skies
a chance to turn the head and cry

Not that shame was bad to do
but another warrior might see you

Friendships were tabooed
but hard to ignore

Again no shame
but there were rules in war

You cease all feeling
for reality sake

Bullets have no names
just life to take

My good friend died
and when i cried

I was reminded again
this is war, don't make friends

But how did we become that way
it was mostly non-verbal

Back watching one another
as comrades would say

A rarity on any day
adrift into another place

Fast forward present day
still settled in our warrior way

Back watching continues
But friendships are made

And kept...and contact maintained
a rarity with my kind...that's how

We still come from far and near
we still deal with life's battles

We're still coming home
memories don't leave us alone

Many still out in the cold
a rarity that doesn't get old

We still know fear
we still see the bullets

Just the rounds aren't real
sometimes there's pain so deep

We're often kept from our sleep
we react as we've been taught

Watching the perimeter
still routine
"You never know,
know what I mean!"

And all become the enemy we fought
all feelings are stuffed

And we're continually asked
"It's with you still?

A rarity adrift in the past
actions makes us want to kill

Our families try to understand
how can it be with any man

Loving husbands and fathers
turned inside out

Filled up with rage
and when we shout

They run and hide
and we stuff and stuff

And get lost in our pride
with no one to run to

We swell up for a bumpy ride
as loved ones wait for the anger to subside

With no one to share
our feelings inside

But this time around
we can make friends

It's no easier
when another life ends

Triggers still fill the air
the smell of gasoline

And zoom some kind of battle scene
and the crowd
strangers pose many dares

A rarity you hear
for warriors knowing age old fears

Outside my door
the bullets still fly

They still have no name
so I just hit the floor

And when sky is quiet
and the odors cease momentarily

And the crowd is hushed
and the winds of time sleep

And the bullets with no name
lay and play the waiting game

We get a chance to relate
we get a chance to clean the plate

And when we get lost in our pride
another warrior is ready
to be at our side

Someone who knows
one who can handle what I say

Someone to tell me
IT'S OK, IT'S OK

In The Moment

I still recall that first day
That I set foot on homeland soil again

After being away in a foreign land
Better known as Vietnam

For so long I stood alone
In the land I called home

My family was there with love and assistance
But I shut down and between us put distance

Feelings were that back in Nam was better for me
But I was to finish up my time at Ft. Meade

I came back wounded and scarred
Full of shame and guilt as in feathered and tarred

My return was to Chocolate City
Treatment for me was have no pity

Didn't find no brothers from the fox holes
Didn't find no brothers with understanding souls

Searched for them to no end
To find those last seen in Tay Ninh

As I walked the streets I felt scorned
Saw only me and my uniform

Some remembered me by name
In nine short months away nothing was the same

Those with whom I once had so much fun
Couldn't replace feelings of those warriors with guns

Though some carried pistols by their side
Nothing compared with the comrades who died

Some professed happiness I was back
But in the world of re-adjustment they didn't have my back

And once a few days had come and passed
In my mind feelings entered of being of an outcast

Now some still looked at me with eyes
That always seemed to face the skies

And when the questions would come and go
I couldn't run so I held my head low

That's how it was for many years
Running around with so many fears

But the fear I held above all man
Was for the person who came back from Nam

I'd cry at night and break out in sweats
Haunted by newfound unidentified threats

There were the panic attacks from hard slamming doors
Awakening in the prone position on the floor

The fright that got tapped when strangers appeared
Staring me down producing new fears

As sadness and grief took over my soul
Where were the men with whom I shared a foxhole

Still the questions many unanswered, many ignored
Not just for me but for the many who warred

And the triggers are there for us who share
What todays warriors experience in warfare

For those of you who don't understand
The boy away from home will come back a man

Some things have changed in war's theatre
The reason becomes clearer and clearer

For many of us the answer is not too late
It will help us help those that are in Kuwait

And then there are those whose dreams were torn
Doing their duty in Desert Storm

But the whole picture changed on 911
When terrorist sent many Americans to Heaven

They thought they'd stop us in our tracks
Never dreamed we come after them in Iraq

Who knows if the battle for peace and freedom will ever end
It's obvious when it is challenged we will defend

And now we must sent our young out again
Into a place called Afghanistan

Yes I recall that first day
That I set foot on homeland soil again

A stranger in my own land
Now a veteran of Vietnam

Who knows today what our young men face
Only this time when they return

Don't turn away and show neglect
They are fighting for peace and freedom
And deserve our respect

They will have their moments of re-adjust
They need to know that we they can trust

They'll reach out and need our helping hands
Don't put them down ... remember the Nan

And never forget those that are left behind
The KIA's - the POW's - the MIA's so-called hard to find

Take the time to prepare a moment & space
To welcome them, with open arms and embrace

Journey to the Wall

I've journeyed across the country again and again
To my hometown, place of my next of kin

I go to see them naturally
But there are deeper reasons in reality

To pay respect to some special friends
While some I knew get lost in time

These men and women are not hard to find
Almost forgotten once without a trace

Now they have their special place
First time I journeyed to their sacred ground

I heard in the depths of silence their every sound
I looked for names upon the wall

Names I tried to remember but couldn't recall
Overwhelmed in emotions so hard to bear

Each named on the granite seemed unfair
As for a moment I stood in my tracks

Reflecting in time as I looked back
I froze on the spot and could not move

All around me people seemed lost as they roamed
Up and down searching with their quiet moans

But I had come to this place and I was home
But this walk I was taking seemed alone

My heart cried out for others to hear
Why am I here and you are there?

I slowly walked down each stone in the ground
I could hear my thumping heart sound

Voices were coming from the black granite before me
Tears steadily rolled down my face

As being with them started a healing
I was overcome by a barrage of new feelings

My steps slowed to a turtle's pace
This time i was with an old friend for is first time

I walked before him as the journey began
Time for his healing was at hand

From the corner of my eyes i saw his tears
In my silence and stillness i hid my fears

A certain denial came over me
Something to do with my PTSD

Triggering stuff in of my own memories
His tears remind me of my first time

As I approached the wall I started crying
Faces appeared in front of me

As I searched for names of those I've longed to see
I swell up with emotions each step I take

I touch the names inscribed within
Tracing with my fingers embraced by each of them

Deeper into the valley I stepped - at each panel i wept
A reflection of me each step of the way

I stopped in prayer to my fallen comrades
I search for words to them to say

I tell them here I am today

Because of the price you did pay

I tell them I'll never forget

I tell them you gave your all

I tell them Welcome Home!

Li'l Talk with My Mother

TO MY MOTHER
MS. FANNIE MARIE BRISCOE
APRIL 29, 1920 TO MARCH 30, 2001

MARCH 26, 2004

had a little talk
with my mother last night
those around me all looked puzzled

after all through their eyes
she was no where in sight

see i found this piece of paper
where i had started to write
it was dated back in 68

i had come home from war
from a time when I didn't know my fate

i wanted to tell her about some feelings of guilt
that transformed into feelings of inner self hate

these are things i needed to say to her
the kind of things i'm told it's never too late

i never meant to shut you out
i know anything with you i could talk about

so i guess this is as good a time as any
this burden i carry is quite heavy
these words for you are very many

i still deal with issues concerning the war
you never asked me about my tour

but I sensed your pain
i watched you endure

unanswered questions I have for you
about things that happened
of which and why i hadn't a clue

tell me mama why the family cried
on the day my grandfather died

you too had tears that seemed unending
i saw them again when my brother's life ended

why at times didn't i have tears in my eyes
didn't understand these things
that come with the dying

and then we lost another
this time it was a younger brother

only this time i couldn't hide the tears i shed
angry with the thoughts of how my brother bled

and vengeance the only thing on my mind
aor one who died before his time

and when the time for my sister came
not a clue did i have to the crying game

on the day daddy left for a better place
i had to be strong
again i hid tears on this face

and when they took you away from me
it was hard to show the tears again you see

but what's the difference with family and friends
and men from the battlefields back then

because when i look back at the lives of comrades
who fell to their death just young lads

i took it real hard and new feelings erupted
i still had some problems with crying
but the life that was had been interrupted

but the tears were hidden
dare not to be shown
at least not while in a battle zone

same thing happened with family at home
suppose to be strong
ahowing tears and my covers are blown

and i questioned these new feelings with disbelief
these new found feelings known as grief

and when i lost the best buddy i had
i sunk into a newness inside ....
an awful pain that left me empty and sad

i acted in rage and got very angry
.... didn't know how to chill

after all he spent a year in Nam without a scratch
ending up the victim of another's joy-kill

remember when they called me for action
when dr. king was killed
him and my best buddy
all in one week

i was on duty in another war zone
this one in the town where we lived
patrolling the streets in front of our home

and as the years passed and the stuffing stuff too
the watergate scandal in 72

each morning the paper boy shouted with cheer
extra extra read all about it
we got ourselves another political smear

those days were sad and depressing for me
i may have even laughed but was i happy

there was this period of escalated self hate
well it was during the years of the watergate

and the local law
had their say
in how I was to act from day to day

i had so much to say back then to you
but where to start ... where was i to begin

and like so many who made back to the u.s.
the experiences were hard for us to discuss

remember the day the draft letter arrived
you got so silent your breathing barely alive

you never expressed any verbal feelings
about my leaving
i know now it was the beginning
of your personal grieving

my friend and i got lost in the streets
we knew where we were headed
and not knowing if we'd ever make it back

life seemed not worth living
but i had decided to do my part
and do my best to serve my country well

never guessed the place i was going
would be a living hell

the trip was delayed for a week
they put us up in a hotel and
gave us all the booze we could drink
and all the food we could eat

but delays like that are not very good
better to have sent us on
and the delay seemed longer as we made short stops
alaska, the phillipines for a minute or two

and then it was on to our final destination
the day we landed in vietnam
under attack was tun sa nut
and there was no return ticket ...
no turning back

the first job i had ... my intro to it
i was assigned to a detail burning shit

when a week had come and gone
i was off the detail and on my way to my unit

i got on a truck and we made the trip along highway one
i was given some ammo and a gun

as i looked out on the journey
with all my eyes could see
stranger in another country

the stinch of death was before me
you could hear the voice of battle
taking place all around

the truck finally stopped in cu chi
i was assigned to my company
nicknamed "the wolfhounds"
a fearsome lot
of the 27th infantry

i quickly learned to put to work the training received
took heed to the words i heard in basic and ait

"it behooves you to pay attention, if you want to stay alive"
because i heard them again the moment i arrived

i didn't have much time to think of you and the family
because if i got lost in those thoughts ..
i was sure pick for the enemy

but when i got the chance
in between the silence of battle
i'd jot down a few words ...
most times it seemed as babble

the nights were often longer
when the bullets whizzed by my head
and a fear i would soon be dead

i tried to tell you many times
about what happened to me

in the rice paddies and jungles
and stories of booby trapped mines
and charlie the enemy

i wanted so much for you to know
what it was like for me away from home

i'd wait for you to fall asleep
.... seemed like a good excuse
to maintain my silence
to bury the words deep

for not talking about it at all
but i often felt you knew
how difficult it was to tell
and being the mother that you were
you never put up a fuss

i did some things that i forgot
and i did some things i'd like to forget

and when I did come back
you and the family were my only welcome
all the other welcomes received
were so damn deceiving

your love was what I needed
at such a confusing time in my life

here I am again
for a moment
back there with those men

when I thought my time was up
you were there with me
as my eyes were closed
and battle all around
i saw a vision of you in the heavens
as I lay on the ground
flanked by my daughter and her mother

and when they took me away
from that last battle
i held on to you looking at me

because that was the day
i felt as though I passed
through the tunnel of light
to my final destiny!

but I was granted more time with you
seems like yesterday when I saw you last
you had this big smile on your face
what a blast!

i thank you for all you've done for me
not just for me, but for family
i'll always love you
and now i at least have a clue!

Happy Birthday!

A Man War Made

POEM AND GRAPHICS BY WILLIAM R. I. "EASY" SMITH
INSPIRED BY M. KEENAN

you ask , you ask

you ask me why

i hide these eyes

behind dark shades

you ask me why
i've kept them sheltered through the years

and why don't i want you to see
what you politely term

"the real me"

the answer is simple
yet to you it may not be clear

i wear the shades as a mask

to cover invisible tears
to cover invisible fears
to hide scars inside me

because when i finally let you see
you display a shocking glare

you look at my eyes in disbelief
never into my eyes

you gaze upon my hidden soul
my sadness and my grief

you finally witness what's really there
face to face with my stare

but then how could you understand
the how of this and when it came to be

the why of what a moment in time did to me
the things that happened to this man

in a place where life changed my plans
in a distant land across the sea

a place where i learned to cry
but kept the tears deep inside

a place where men didn't say "goodnight"
a place where morning never came

a place where time swallowed friends
with the coming and setting of the sun

a place where a laugh assuming happiness
was a mask filled with sorrow and pain

you ask, you ask

you ask me why

about situations too difficult to grasp
and time should seem to mend it all

but time has played a different game
on those of us who went away

on those of us who answered the call
many whose names are on the wall

those that were to remain

you ask, you ask

you ask me why

i get angry over petty stuff
and why the crowds bother me

or why i wake up screaming
body full of sweat

after all night dreaming

the answer is very simple
but may not be clear to you

of all the moments in my life
how come that one hasn't left me yet

you ask, you ask

you ask me why

i've built a prison around me
and at times i need to be alone

and stay inside day in day out

the answer is very simple

yet difficult to tell you about
my actions that are always in doubt

from the pain that still remains
from the hesitation and uncertainties

i have come to know
leftover reminders of the war

and a fear if i were to open my door

as through my brain
bits and pieces soar

you want to know why must i

upon entering a room
the area is swept searching for a space

where i can sit with my back against the wall
where i can keep my eyes on the entire place

you ask me why

i hide behind these shades

the answer is very simple

i'm the man war made

A Look at Pain

Can't explain what happened
to a group of men
Who crossed into another time zone
and became best of friends

It could have been the gun
Each one was given
Knowing it was not to be used for fun

It could have been the foe
We fought from the day we landed
What did we know

Maybe it was the instant trust
We put in the man we followed
on point

Could have been that we shared
each other's footsteps too
Maybe it was the re-defining
of life we ensued in one another

Never getting confused about why we
were now Brothers

Was it not forbidden friendships
Yet needing one another to
get pass the hardships

I sit in my chair
And I close my eyes
I watch the faces of those I knew
Faces and faces the numbers grew

And as the tape played
I try to remember
I try to recall
I try to see it all
But I can't

There is much that got
lost and buried
within
Sunk deep with time
Haunting my mind

Hard to explain
Hard to describe the pain
In the pit of my stomach
In the pit of my soul
At times surfacing
Some things were swallowed by
feelings we never knew we had

Pain took on new meaning
Pain that would last til the end of time

I still see the faces left behind
I talk to them from time to time

I see the faces of those there now
In another time zone
Strangers who have become
the best of friends

and

Pain turns to sadness
Hurt so strong
No pain should last this long

Pain that started with the loss of hopes and dreams
Extended by the loss of friends it seems

Pain that continues to grow
From feelings of leaving family and loved ones

Pain that comes with those who today
Sacrificing their lives - for the price
of freedom they pay

Pain that continued upon the return
Pain that goes away for a minute
Pain that's etched on the Wall
the WWII and Korean War Memorials
Desert Storm
Pain that's etched in the sands
of Iraq and Afghanistan

Pain that reaches out
to one and all

Let us not forget
Let us remember
Let us not forget
Let us remember

Pain that has taught me
to stand tall